Andromeda ficlet: He Knows
Sep. 12th, 2005 10:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
annakasHmm my first Andromeda ficlet
Past Harper/Tyr
Dark and brooding.
Harper centric.
He Knows
by
annakas
Harper really, really wishes Dylan dead and as much as he tries to overcome these dark feelings toward the man he jut can't seem to.
Intellectually he knows that it is not Dylan's fault but it feels so damn good to blame someone, very liberating and Harper is tired of smothering himself because he knows how good it feels to let go.
He got the taste for it after almost wiping off the entire Nietchean race. Some days he wishes he had succeeded in it. Because after years of being their slave and fucktoy and just someone to use and abuse, having revenge felt damn pretty good. And Harper likes to feel good. He has felt terror and pain too often in his short life, so having the power to be stronger and not afraid anymore was exhilarating.
Then on other days he is pulled down by guilt because he knows he almost wiped out an entire race, even if the world would be a safer place without the abusing raping hurting Niets.
Intellectually he knows that he is responsible for snuffing out a lot of lives but he kind of can't see Übers as anyone living. To him they were the monsters under the bed mothers warned their children about.
Not that he knows about mothers with not being raised by his family, being an orphan, but he had read this expression in one of the books Andromeda had in her library. And in his generation no one in Earth had a family anyway.
And now there was no Earth either.
Then again he remembers Tyr and while Tyr was undoubtedly a Nietchiean he made him feel safe. And having known Tyr makes him think that perhaps all Niets were not evil.
Tyr is dead. That knowledge still makes him want to cry and shout and hurt someone or hide somewhere safe and dark. The only problem is there is nowhere safe anymore. No Tyr and no Earth.
Again he blames Dylan though he knows Dylan did what he had to to protect Andromeda and the crew but still he doesn't care because Dylan is the captain of the ship and it was his duty to look after his crew. He should have known Tyr was unhappy. Unhappy enough to try to kill them. He can't seem to blame Tyr over that fact.
It isn't like there was a lot of the crew to look after. So Dylan has let them down, repeatedly.
He still has nightmares of the lunatics who kidnapped him and Dylan's non-reaction when they put a drill inside his dataport. It was his most painful and horrifying experience in his life. And up till that point he had thought he had experienced it all and that nothing could be worse than the constant rapes on Earth, or the beatings. He was wrong. And he was in that situation because of Dylan. So he kind of really hates the captain now and wishes him dead. As in dead dead.
He still remembers seeing Tyr for the first time and the all encompassing terror-hate he felt towards the Niet. How he put Beka between him and the big guy, automatically searching out all exits so that he could make a fast escape if needed.
Their friendship was unlikely but it did happen and that was a miracle by itself. Tyr was safe and he took care of Harper in his own way. They got close especially after the thing with the larvae.
The food Tyr prepared him is still the best he has ever had and Tyr often cooked for Harper's tastes. He misses the food and the the cook himself. He just misses Tyr.
He still can't believe that Tyr is dead. Tyr seemed unbeatable, immortal with his strength and chain-mail and big guns and feral smile and the beautiful beautiful long hair. Most of all he misses their friendship.
Harper can't believe that he and Tyr became lovers. He never would have believed it, that he would go willingly in to bed with a Niet, and a male one at that. Heck he had been turned off sex for a long while despite his bragging about the women and constant flirting with Andromeda, Beka or even Trance. They were safe and would have never taken him up on his offer.
But Tyr had been a surprise. So gentle and unthreatening which was kind of unbelievable in itself considering how big and tall Tyr was. A fine specimen of a male. He had handled Harper like he was a skittish hurt animal who needed special treatment.
And he kind of had needed it. He knows he should feel disgruntled over the fact that Tyr had considered him delicate fragile thing but instead he had felt safe and cared for. Even loved. Now he would never know if there indeed had been love between them. Because Tyr was dead.
Losing Tyr had been hard but he had moved on. Thats what Harper always did he moved on and survived. He learned that from Earth. That was the only way anyone had the chance if they wished to get older than twenty. They had to take it, and take it and take it and always move on. Learn from the mistakes, not repeat them and move on. Survival at its finest.
Now there is no Earth and no one has to live like that anymore, or that is what Dylan preaches. But Harper doesn't believe that and he kind of hates Dylan too. He thinks the destruction of Earth was the final straw and that after that he just can't seem to move on.
And as much as he hated living on Earth it was still home. He always hoped that one day things would get better there. Earth was home. Earth was his origin and he will never ever forgive Dylan for letting Earth get destroyed. For not preventing it. For putting Earth in to acceptable losses folder. After all Dylan got his wish, and so did Trance her freedom and everyone... everyone got what they wanted expect him.
He instead lost it all... Tyr... his home...
And now he really really really hates Dylan and wishes him dead. They should have let him go to Earth at it's final hours. Not subdue him, hold him back because now he hates them, but Dylan over all.
It would be so easy to arrange an accident to Dylan. No one would ever know. He is after all the engineer for Andromeda. It would be so easy, so very easy. So far he has not done anything and smothered the urge. But Harper knows that one day he will not and than Dylan will pay, as will the others.
He knows.
fin
Past Harper/Tyr
Dark and brooding.
Harper centric.
He Knows
by
annakas
Harper really, really wishes Dylan dead and as much as he tries to overcome these dark feelings toward the man he jut can't seem to.
Intellectually he knows that it is not Dylan's fault but it feels so damn good to blame someone, very liberating and Harper is tired of smothering himself because he knows how good it feels to let go.
He got the taste for it after almost wiping off the entire Nietchean race. Some days he wishes he had succeeded in it. Because after years of being their slave and fucktoy and just someone to use and abuse, having revenge felt damn pretty good. And Harper likes to feel good. He has felt terror and pain too often in his short life, so having the power to be stronger and not afraid anymore was exhilarating.
Then on other days he is pulled down by guilt because he knows he almost wiped out an entire race, even if the world would be a safer place without the abusing raping hurting Niets.
Intellectually he knows that he is responsible for snuffing out a lot of lives but he kind of can't see Übers as anyone living. To him they were the monsters under the bed mothers warned their children about.
Not that he knows about mothers with not being raised by his family, being an orphan, but he had read this expression in one of the books Andromeda had in her library. And in his generation no one in Earth had a family anyway.
And now there was no Earth either.
Then again he remembers Tyr and while Tyr was undoubtedly a Nietchiean he made him feel safe. And having known Tyr makes him think that perhaps all Niets were not evil.
Tyr is dead. That knowledge still makes him want to cry and shout and hurt someone or hide somewhere safe and dark. The only problem is there is nowhere safe anymore. No Tyr and no Earth.
Again he blames Dylan though he knows Dylan did what he had to to protect Andromeda and the crew but still he doesn't care because Dylan is the captain of the ship and it was his duty to look after his crew. He should have known Tyr was unhappy. Unhappy enough to try to kill them. He can't seem to blame Tyr over that fact.
It isn't like there was a lot of the crew to look after. So Dylan has let them down, repeatedly.
He still has nightmares of the lunatics who kidnapped him and Dylan's non-reaction when they put a drill inside his dataport. It was his most painful and horrifying experience in his life. And up till that point he had thought he had experienced it all and that nothing could be worse than the constant rapes on Earth, or the beatings. He was wrong. And he was in that situation because of Dylan. So he kind of really hates the captain now and wishes him dead. As in dead dead.
He still remembers seeing Tyr for the first time and the all encompassing terror-hate he felt towards the Niet. How he put Beka between him and the big guy, automatically searching out all exits so that he could make a fast escape if needed.
Their friendship was unlikely but it did happen and that was a miracle by itself. Tyr was safe and he took care of Harper in his own way. They got close especially after the thing with the larvae.
The food Tyr prepared him is still the best he has ever had and Tyr often cooked for Harper's tastes. He misses the food and the the cook himself. He just misses Tyr.
He still can't believe that Tyr is dead. Tyr seemed unbeatable, immortal with his strength and chain-mail and big guns and feral smile and the beautiful beautiful long hair. Most of all he misses their friendship.
Harper can't believe that he and Tyr became lovers. He never would have believed it, that he would go willingly in to bed with a Niet, and a male one at that. Heck he had been turned off sex for a long while despite his bragging about the women and constant flirting with Andromeda, Beka or even Trance. They were safe and would have never taken him up on his offer.
But Tyr had been a surprise. So gentle and unthreatening which was kind of unbelievable in itself considering how big and tall Tyr was. A fine specimen of a male. He had handled Harper like he was a skittish hurt animal who needed special treatment.
And he kind of had needed it. He knows he should feel disgruntled over the fact that Tyr had considered him delicate fragile thing but instead he had felt safe and cared for. Even loved. Now he would never know if there indeed had been love between them. Because Tyr was dead.
Losing Tyr had been hard but he had moved on. Thats what Harper always did he moved on and survived. He learned that from Earth. That was the only way anyone had the chance if they wished to get older than twenty. They had to take it, and take it and take it and always move on. Learn from the mistakes, not repeat them and move on. Survival at its finest.
Now there is no Earth and no one has to live like that anymore, or that is what Dylan preaches. But Harper doesn't believe that and he kind of hates Dylan too. He thinks the destruction of Earth was the final straw and that after that he just can't seem to move on.
And as much as he hated living on Earth it was still home. He always hoped that one day things would get better there. Earth was home. Earth was his origin and he will never ever forgive Dylan for letting Earth get destroyed. For not preventing it. For putting Earth in to acceptable losses folder. After all Dylan got his wish, and so did Trance her freedom and everyone... everyone got what they wanted expect him.
He instead lost it all... Tyr... his home...
And now he really really really hates Dylan and wishes him dead. They should have let him go to Earth at it's final hours. Not subdue him, hold him back because now he hates them, but Dylan over all.
It would be so easy to arrange an accident to Dylan. No one would ever know. He is after all the engineer for Andromeda. It would be so easy, so very easy. So far he has not done anything and smothered the urge. But Harper knows that one day he will not and than Dylan will pay, as will the others.
He knows.
fin
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-14 09:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-14 09:58 pm (UTC)