Fic: Elf In Midlife Crisis Prologe
Jun. 1st, 2004 08:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
annakastitle: The Elf in Midlife crisis series: Prologe
author: annakas
fandom: Lord of the Rings
rating: eventually R
category: humor/parody and even some grazy romance.
warnings: bad humor, crazy elves, naive humans, future m-preg, twisted pairings, horny elven kings and feminizing some male characters. And this time it is not the elves who turn into girls with dicks.
summary: Legolas Thrandulion the Prince of Mirkwood has lived a very hard life. His father is suffering from a midlife crisis and is chasing every other young thing he sees so it is Little Greenleaf's duty to see that his father wouldn't embarass the royal house too much.
Now when visiting Imladris Legolas in a fit of insanity joined the Fellowship of the Ring in a suicide mission. He would have never believed that it would turn into babysiting his fathers latest flame or that he would start to find Gimli and his beard suddenly very appealing.
Is it true love that makes him feel so or is it sex deprivation talking to him? And does Thranduil really love his latest conquest and wants to marry the male if he should survive the quest or is it his dick and midlife crisis making him say so?
All this and more Legolas has to deal with. What is an elven prince to do in all this craziness?
Elf in midlife crisis:
Prologe
It’s official now - I am a lunatic. I just agreed to a suicide mission. Ah, you are thinking how the hell did that happen? Well then... we are both wondering about that because I haven't a frigging idea.
One moment I was sitting on a stiff, uncomfortable counsel chair, drooling and daydreaming over two sexy elves who happened to be nearby while some idiot namely Gandalf babbled about a ruling ring and the end of the free world or something like that (like I care) and the next moment I know, I am offering my bow to the service of the fellowship, so that we could stroll to Mordor and save the world. It looked like a brilliant idea at the time.
Now, a couple of hours later when droolable Glorfindel and Elrond are not around and my mind has cleared from these lustful thoughts and actually is capable of thinking, I understand what I agreed to-
I am going to die.
Decision of the day: No more sex or lustful thoughts for Legolas Greenleaf Thrandulion (like I actually have a chance for some good time when I will be wandering with the other eight suicidal idiots). The only remotely shaggable person from the fellowship is Estel and he is engaged to Arwen. I do not want to have a pissed off elven princess after my hide and I really really really like Elladan and Elrohir. I don't want to lose their friendship.
What the hell was Estel thinking anyway with joining the fellowship? I thought he had more sense than to go to Mordor. Then again I joined too. But I at least have an excuse, namely I was not listening but drooling over Elrond and Glorfindel. The sexy beasts. What was his excuse?- Oh by the stars Estel must have been drooling over someone too! But since Arwen hadn’t been there, it must have been someone else.
That cheating, ungrateful bastard!!! I wonder who he was drooling over? OK. Back to more important matters. Whocan I shag now on this perilous mission or quest thingy like one of the hobbits said. Estel is out of the picture. So who does it leave to me?
Gandalf? I shudder even thinking of him like that. OK so he is experienced enough, he is even older than I am, but the looks just don't do it for me.
Boromir? Nope, definitely not. He isn't discreet enough and I have heard some disturbing rumours of him and BDSM.
Gimli? Aarrgghh all the hair. Bad mental image! Bad mental image!!! I won’t go there, I won’t.
One of the hobbits? Frodo for example? OK he has those soulful eyes and lips made for sucking a cock but... hell... he is small if you know what I mean. It is such a turn off. I would feel like a child molester.
So it seems in the unforseeable future there will be no sex for me. Thoughts of sex brought me to this suicidal situation anyway, so it fits.
HOW THE HELL WILL I SURVIVE!?!?!?! Death by sex deprivation is so not the way to go, nuh uh.
Legolas Thrandulion the Prince of Mirkwood.
author: annakas
fandom: Lord of the Rings
rating: eventually R
category: humor/parody and even some grazy romance.
warnings: bad humor, crazy elves, naive humans, future m-preg, twisted pairings, horny elven kings and feminizing some male characters. And this time it is not the elves who turn into girls with dicks.
summary: Legolas Thrandulion the Prince of Mirkwood has lived a very hard life. His father is suffering from a midlife crisis and is chasing every other young thing he sees so it is Little Greenleaf's duty to see that his father wouldn't embarass the royal house too much.
Now when visiting Imladris Legolas in a fit of insanity joined the Fellowship of the Ring in a suicide mission. He would have never believed that it would turn into babysiting his fathers latest flame or that he would start to find Gimli and his beard suddenly very appealing.
Is it true love that makes him feel so or is it sex deprivation talking to him? And does Thranduil really love his latest conquest and wants to marry the male if he should survive the quest or is it his dick and midlife crisis making him say so?
All this and more Legolas has to deal with. What is an elven prince to do in all this craziness?
Elf in midlife crisis:
Prologe
It’s official now - I am a lunatic. I just agreed to a suicide mission. Ah, you are thinking how the hell did that happen? Well then... we are both wondering about that because I haven't a frigging idea.
One moment I was sitting on a stiff, uncomfortable counsel chair, drooling and daydreaming over two sexy elves who happened to be nearby while some idiot namely Gandalf babbled about a ruling ring and the end of the free world or something like that (like I care) and the next moment I know, I am offering my bow to the service of the fellowship, so that we could stroll to Mordor and save the world. It looked like a brilliant idea at the time.
Now, a couple of hours later when droolable Glorfindel and Elrond are not around and my mind has cleared from these lustful thoughts and actually is capable of thinking, I understand what I agreed to-
I am going to die.
Decision of the day: No more sex or lustful thoughts for Legolas Greenleaf Thrandulion (like I actually have a chance for some good time when I will be wandering with the other eight suicidal idiots). The only remotely shaggable person from the fellowship is Estel and he is engaged to Arwen. I do not want to have a pissed off elven princess after my hide and I really really really like Elladan and Elrohir. I don't want to lose their friendship.
What the hell was Estel thinking anyway with joining the fellowship? I thought he had more sense than to go to Mordor. Then again I joined too. But I at least have an excuse, namely I was not listening but drooling over Elrond and Glorfindel. The sexy beasts. What was his excuse?- Oh by the stars Estel must have been drooling over someone too! But since Arwen hadn’t been there, it must have been someone else.
That cheating, ungrateful bastard!!! I wonder who he was drooling over? OK. Back to more important matters. Whocan I shag now on this perilous mission or quest thingy like one of the hobbits said. Estel is out of the picture. So who does it leave to me?
Gandalf? I shudder even thinking of him like that. OK so he is experienced enough, he is even older than I am, but the looks just don't do it for me.
Boromir? Nope, definitely not. He isn't discreet enough and I have heard some disturbing rumours of him and BDSM.
Gimli? Aarrgghh all the hair. Bad mental image! Bad mental image!!! I won’t go there, I won’t.
One of the hobbits? Frodo for example? OK he has those soulful eyes and lips made for sucking a cock but... hell... he is small if you know what I mean. It is such a turn off. I would feel like a child molester.
So it seems in the unforseeable future there will be no sex for me. Thoughts of sex brought me to this suicidal situation anyway, so it fits.
HOW THE HELL WILL I SURVIVE!?!?!?! Death by sex deprivation is so not the way to go, nuh uh.
Legolas Thrandulion the Prince of Mirkwood.
